4/22 – Crunchyroll Randomizer: Dog and Scissors

…I already know this is going to suck. Can’t I at least get the dubbed version? At least there, I can enjoy Jessica Calvello going all nutso – can’t that go up on Crunchy… ohhhhhh, right, CR and Sentai are kinda beefing right now. Never mind.

So this is about a bookworm named Harumi who is killed during a robbery, but is then reincarnated as a dog. Seems simple enough, but then there’s a sudden twist of fate when said man-dog finds himself acquainted with his favorite author, a woman by the name of Akiyama Shinobu. Sadly, no Monogatari references show up. Also, Shinobu is MENTAL.

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The episode starts off innocuously enough with Harumi going through his daily grind, picking up some books and heading home after a long day of school, the usual. His character design is completely featureless – slim-bodied and with bangs down past his eyes. See: every hentai male-insert of the last 5 years. Suppose that would mean he’s packing downstairs, but moving on. As mentioned, he dies in a robbery at a cafe, via shotgun to the head, all to protect this woman writing and minding her own business. And she doesn’t notice anything going on. Spoiler: that’s Shinobu.

No, not THAT Shinobu. This show’s Shinobu. She has a real name, but screw it, not important.

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Then we get a glimpse of Harumi’s life flashing before his eyes: his parents and pet, his sister… who is in an apron for some reason… and lastly, his books, which causes him to panic and go “There are so many more books I have to read!” What is this, an episode of The Twilight Zone? Feh. And then he gets turned into a dog. Screw context.

It’s like in Married With Children, when Buck was reincarnated into Lucky, only this sucks so it’s nothing like it. And being turned into a dog isn’t Harumi’s worst problem at present, it’s that he hasn’t gotten his book fix in a week. Piccolo, if you wouldn’t mind?

Thank you, sir.

Short version, the author “protagonist” shows up, slices and dices Harumi out of his cage, and takes him back to her torture chamber where she intends to kill him. Oh, and Shinobu can hear Harumi’s dog-bodied thoughts, because that makes total sense. At least her character design is nice, like a taller and older version of Akame from Akame ga Kill! – I could be watching that instead of this. What even is my life.

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As you can tell, I’m having a hard time working up any interest in this. Not even seeing Shinobu take a shower and show up in lingerie is doing anything for me. Harumi practically throwing his otaku card in by way of “I’m not interested in 3D girls” gives me no laughter. The premise of finding the killer at large doesn’t make me feel motivated to keep watching. And seeing Harumi geek out over going to a library doesn’t make me feel invested in what he’s going through. Doesn’t help that the animation is really cheap-looking and stilted in shots; come on, GONZO, you’ve done better than this. I’m watching Afro Samurai right now, and that show is GORGEOUS. (at times)

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You wanna know how uninterested I am with this show? All I can say when these hunks of beefcake show up is, “you should not be here. You should be off in a beach, banging each other, and far away from this crappy show.”

So consider this show a big fat PASS from me. I’m sure there’s someone out there who’s into… a crazy woman constantly threatening a teenager-reincarnated-as-a-dog with death by way of her super sharp scissors… but I’m not one of those folks.

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